
Photo by Tina Hensel
Small
By
Bamboo Bill
Most of us have followed the wrong Gods home at some time or another. Reflection upon ones own mind can be paralyzing in as much as enlightening. Freedom becomes something definable in the material sense of the word but indefinable when one couples the “mind” into the question.
Having spent most of this life wondering around inspecting the nuts and bolts of my own existence I have had to draw upon humanity as a frame of reference, namely the American society. Spending a little time on bent knees in your own yard can be one hell of an adventure.
When ones ego grows rapidly and starts to displace the essence of God some pretty strange behavior can manifest. The I begins to be Self Righteous and seeks to dominate the material world around it. This fits nicely into the capitalistic engine that we all seem to fuel. The word BIG becomes the operative word. It has an entire family of words, such as Biggest, best, fastest, swiftest and so on.
What we don’t realize is that we, along with most of our neighbors tend to glorify all the Bigness of our life. Yet as a society we are seemingly void of happiness. The treadmill of having more, consuming more than another eats at our very souls like a slow cancer.
This treadmill provides for bigger government which cuts us deeper so the taxes can be extracted. When you finally see the truth, you either jump into the fire and die happy with all those material possessions or you run to high ground. Once you reach high ground your country, fellow man and big government define you as a misfit.
I had four karate studios that ran full time and I was known as one of the few karate instructors who turned their love for the martial arts into a vocation not just a hobby. As time went along, my ego grew and grew , daily I struggled magnificently to be caption Kirk of the Star Ship Enterprise, metaphorically speaking. My body worked well and my mind seemed clear as a mountain stream in mid August. All was well in my BIG life.
Then one day I left it all for reasons that are only clear to me now years later. My ego had gotten to Big, to heavy and therefore I knew I must cast off the material world that I had attached myself to. I spent a few years working on bamboo rods living frugally sometimes on the edge of invisibility. There was a sense of loneliness but at the same time a quite calm entered my life. I delt with the loneliness because I knew it was self imposed. One is born into this life alone and certainly dies alone.
Years after my journey, I met an old time friend and past student. In conversation he said, “Bill you have a little life”. Those words have never left me. This friend of mine is a warrior and has fought many battles that successful self employed people always do. I respect him for the man that he is for the total sacrifice for his family. His life has been hell the past few years and I won’t get into it. He has the Big life that he fights to maintain everyday and I have a Little Life that is relatively simply to maintain. But let me say now, the Small life is not easy, the words simple and easy somehow don’t always equate in our throw away society that is laced with instant gratification.
Now I seek not the big fish, not the holly waters, the big money, the big title, the big toys, the newest gadget or the big house. I seek the small in almost everything I do. I’m happier on this journey of being a pilgrim traveling along the road of life that society would define as a minimalist. It is kind of like realizing that a Zen Koan has no true meaning other than it is a tool to get the Zen student to recognize the foolishness of involving the mind in activities that are meaningless. For some of us once we figured this out we left the temple.
When I was thirty my body was fast, strong with the libido running high and my teeth were all there and white. Time went at a slower pace. Today at 55 my teeth are leaving me at an increasing faster rate and time is traveling faster also. Interesting comparison isn’t it. Life is coming to an end like a stream meandering down through a valley always moving always descending. A blink of the eye and I will begin another journey.
The Small is found everywhere: the red wing Black Bird with its song at dusk, my dogs excitement for the wild nature around her as we walk along a stream, the cry of a mountain lion right before dawn, a trout’s wink before he takes my fly, a crescent moon that reminds me just to smile, a Golden Eagle in flight, the sound of silence embedded in the deep woods, that feel of a plan in my hands, a gentle poem that I wrote so many years ago when read it touches my very own soul as if I read it for the very first time. The small is found in the void of the big and the finger of God is there.

Days with Grand Father
The Arrival
By
Bamboo Bill
It was a hot Florida day and I being the ripe old age of 8 was waiting for the teacher to call on me to read my essay about my favorite person. All the other kids talked about their grand parents or their parents and what they had to say was becoming redundant. Seemed like they all lived some where along the Eastern part of the country, where reality was some where between the mosquito and the soft shell crab. And humid to boot. I was bored and as I began rereading to myself my own little essay the sounds of the classroom became fainter and fainter until I was no longer there.
It was a summer day deep into August and my ears had not popped as of yet. But I didn’t care one bit. The mountain air smelled fresh, redolent with Spruce trees. A few small goose bumps began to pop up on my tan but skinny arms. There was an excitement that was creeping slowly up my spine. Grandma was driving her green Jeep and she had driven out to the airport, “almost to Kansas” as she put it, to pick me up. We talked as she drove... But no matter what subject she brought up to talk to me about I really could only think of one thing.
We reached the little town called Pine Junction and grandma pulled her Jeep into the left lane, we came to a stop light that moved slightly in the cool mountain breeze. The light turned green and off we went, down Pine Valley road. Pine valley road was my favorite road of all time. It twisted and curved like a snake and dropped fast in elevation. I could feel my ears pop and a funny little quiver occurred in my stomach. As we came around a turn, there in the middle of the road were three deer and grandma slowed to a stopped while they slowly crossed the road and then ran up the side of the mountain. They looked back toward us as we continued to drive on down into the valley. The wildness of the mountains touched me deeper each time I came out to visit my Grand Parents.
I loved going to Grandpa and grandmas house in Colorado. To me it was a different reality all together different than what I was used to in Florida. I loved where I lived but these summer vacations out West were special. As we dropped into the valley my thoughts went to trout fishing and hiking the mountain trails with my Grand father.
When we entered the little rustic village of Pine, I kept a steely eye out for 5th street because I knew that it would take us up to grandpas house. It was a little house that was first built in 1886. I liked the little wood stove in the kitchen and often imagined grandpa and grandma playing cribbage by the wood burner during a snow storm. I could see the camper on the truck in the front yard and there he was, sitting in his canvas lawn chair with old Shadow the family dog laying beside his feet. He had on his green fishing hat and was dressed in Blue jeans and had on leather hiking boots. His mustache was the shape of a horse shoe, white as could be. He had that Western look, that cowboy look and I loved it. It was a pleasant difference from the way we all dressed in Florida, shorts, t shirts and tennis shoes. We all looked alike but grandpa looked like himself. His shirt always had two big pockets and most of the time they were used to house fly boxes that contained artificial flies he used to catch trout with.
He got up slowly and Shadow followed suite standing as well. They came over to the jeep to meet me. Shadows tail wagging out of excitement to see me. He always extended his hand and said “Howdy partner good to see another trout fisherman”. It was the same greeting that I remember him always using. Then he would pick me up and hold me over his head examing how big I had gotten. I could feel the strength in his hands. Grandma said that came from making those bamboo fishing rods. But I knew his strength came from some other place, some place deep inside of him.
That night we all took a walk along the North Fork, grand dad’s favorite trout stream. He said, it wasn’t much of a trout a stream to write home about but I know he loved it just the same. He always said “a man has to I plant his soul right in the middle of the land he loved.” I got to hold onto Shadows leash as the three of us walked along the trail that the old narrow gage train used to travel back in the 1880s. It was short walk but one that I always looked forward to. My legs got stretched during the walk and most of all I got to look at the trout stream. It held a kind of magic that at 8 years of age I could not fully describe even to myself, let alone to my classmates or even my parents. From the day that I felt that first tug on my line as a trout took my fly and then was off, I knew my life had changed. I stirred off into the distance somewhere before time itself. I had felt my first trout and my life was changed inexorably forever.
When we got home we set up the camper for a good nights sleep. Grandpa and I would be camping out in it for the week while I was staying with them. I looked forward to the evenings in the camper. Gramps would always read a book to me. They did not watch TV…he called it a Boob Tube and told me it would soften a good mind. "Better to have hobbies, interest that a boy could sink his teeth into" is what he told me. This summer he would teach me to tie my own flies.
Now and then a mountain lion would come down into the village after the deer that came into the area at night fall and grandpa would wake me up. We would lie there together listening to the drama occurring only yards from our camper. It was exciting beyond words. I could hear my own heart beating , I was alive and felt it. Life was good at 8 years of age. After all, with the sound of The North Fork tumbling down though the valley and the cool mountain air flowing though the camper how could it not be .